The Problem With Human Trafficking In Hong Kong

Traffic sucks. It’s never a good sign and it never ends well. Plus, everywhere in the world thinks they have it the worst. But I’ve got a bombshell for you. What makes it even more unbearable in Hong Kong than anywhere else in the world is that it’s not confined to just the roads. I’m talking about the Human Traffic situation.

If you thought a New York Second, a London Jibber or a Honkers Honker was bad enough then just try going anywhere by foot in Asia’s World City (HK). The minute you step out from behind your desk at work into the office space behind, you’ll find someone walking 0.2 miles per hour, chatting on their phone or strolling arm in arm with 15 other friends across the entire walkway. And then you hit the elevator.

Unfortunately, there’s no give way sign here. There’s just a crap load of people cramming themselves into a box where personal space just goes out the door you came in. And the invasion of breathing room does not end there.

You exit the elevator and you’re confronted by the escalator. Even though I’m sure everyone understands international escalator etiquette, there’s always someone standing still on the left hand side. And you just know they are fully aware of the queue of angry folks behind them.

If you EVER make it outside your building, before your lunch hour is up, then I’m sorry to say it won’t get any better. I can, however, offer you some advice. If you are an avid car spotter, this is where you’ll notice several specific models. So here’s a list of ones to avoid at all costs.

。        Firstly, there’s the old beat-up truck that’s giving off really bad fumes. Try and avoid getting stuck behind this one, they’ll never let you by.

。        Secondly, there are the wide-loaders. And I’m not talking about fat people. I’m talking about the groups of friends, helpers and tourists that walk 5 abreast down a 2 person pavement. More often than not they will see you coming, but there’s no chance they’ll ever give way. My advice, ram them head on and use both shoulders. To quote True Grit “The harder and faster you run at a man, it does not matter how many people he has with him, you’ll put the fear of God in him and he’ll scatter like the wind.”

。        Lastly, be on the look-out for the tourist couple. They aren’t slow or hard to navigate; they simply break down without warning. You’ll be strolling at pace behind them looking forward to your subway lunch only to find yourself face planted into their sweaty back. And apparently it’s your fault?

Collision Imminent. Always be sure to look out for the avid overtaker.

So you are probably wondering what type I am. Well, like most Westerners, I walk with determination, purpose and at speed. Therefore, I consider myself an F1 car in this environment. I see the gaps and hit the throttle, swerve through tight corners and out break the following pack. It’s the only way to survive, and trust me when I say this, you need the reflexes of a formula 1 driver to get anywhere on-time in this city.

Thus, at a guess, I’d say the reason for the congested, stressed-out and slow road situation is most likely because walking anywhere is such a hassle and a headache that driving is really the lesser of two evils. At least you can have air-con, a comfy seat and some music.

P.S. On the subject of driving, can the owner of the overcompensatingly large engine super car that speeds past my flat every night at 11.30pm, STOP. You’re not cool and I’m literally one day away from deploying a spike strip. Consider this a fair warning.